October has become a month I dread for the past several years. Oct. 30, 2008 was the day I found out my ex was cheating on me. Oct. 15, 2009 was the day I got the call that my ex had to have his leg amputated below the knee while he was in Iraq. Oct. 15, 2010 was the day my ex and I went to sit in a mediator’s office in Savannah to finalize our divorce.
So as Oct. 2011 began to roll around I was almost scared to see what would happen. Last Saturday I even mentioned to Robby that I was anxious to see how this week would go since Oct. 15 was just around the corner.
This week has been one of the best weeks I have had in a long time. I got a freelance writing job for a local internet-based company—I’m a paid writer again! I got an awesome internship to do social media writing for the Savannah Book Festival. And Friday I attended a launch party for SCAD District Quarterly—they published one of my essays.
I’d like to think that I don’t believe in curses. But I was beginning to believe that October had become the month where the bottom would fall out. It would humble me again and force me into a position to search my soul for insights into how I was not living my life right.
But this month was different. My life is different. I’m not the same person I was Oct. 30, 2008—I had no idea what I was going to do from one minute to the next. I’m not the same person I was Oct. 15, 2009—I thought my ex and I might reconcile and we would heal our broken marriage while his leg healed. I’m not the same person I was Oct. 15, 2010—I sat with my head in my hands and cried in front of my attorney and the mediator as I tried to figure out how I was going to finish grad school and raise two children by myself on the breadcrumbs I was offered as “support.”
I’m glad I didn’t give up on my dreams. I’m glad I didn’t just quit and stay in bed and cry all the time. The person that I am now on Oct. 16, 2011 is a person that I like. It’s a person that I am proud to be. It’s the person who I wanted to grow up to be.